I spent most of yesterday with “Say Something” by A Great Big World stuck in my head. After several hours of singing “Say Something I’m giving up on you” off and on, it struck me that it’s a good job I don’t work at a hospital or a care home. It might not be the best thing to hear in a shop, but you’re unlikely to fear for your life.
I’m so glad that in all my life I don’t think anyone has ever really said that to me, what an awful thing it is for someone to tell you they are giving up on you. Of course the sad truth is when people give up on us they don’t necessarily tell us, maybe they just stop calling, they stop texting, they simply stop trying.
When I hear that song I feel like the person I’m most likely to give up on is me. The person I’m most likely to write off is me. Why is it that we see the hope in other peoples bleak circumstances but we often struggle to see the hope for ourselves?
If you’ve read some of my other posts then you’ll know that my Dad committed suicide. Surely that is the ultimate way of giving up on yourself, anything short of that and you will wake up the next day and you will have to try again, try again to make something of yourself, of your potential.
I wonder if my dad had a moment when he said to himself “Say something, I’m giving up on you.” I wonder if he sat there and asked himself to find a reason not to give up, if he wrestled with it, if he tried to hope again. I don’t know if he did, I don’t know if it matters. What matters, and it took me a long time to realise this, what matters is that he gave up on himself, he didn’t give up on me. Maybe I wasn’t enough of a reason to keep him here but he couldn’t expect me to be and I couldn’t expect to be. None of us can expect anyone else to give us a reason to live or to make us happy.
The thing that really matters to me is that no matter what mess I get into or how many people give up on me, God will never ask me to say something, anything to stop him giving up on me. He will simply never give up on me, and he will never give up on you, whether you love him or not he will never give up on loving you, he will never give up on trying to save you.