Surviving a suicide makes you more likely to commit suicide.
I’m not talking about the person who died I’m talking about all the people who loved that person, who have survived the bomb that just went off in their heart as someone that they loved ripped them-self out of the world.
We survive but, no matter how much we may heal, we are forever changed by the cataclysm that we have survived. When your dad or brother or son commits suicide (Of course women die this way too but suicide takes 4 times as many men as women – It is the largest single killer of men under 45 in the UK) he is, in some senses, both the murdered and the murderer. No matter the circumstances most of us would ask “Why did he choose that?”, to us it is a choice and an unbelievably bad one but to the one we’re grieving it wasn’t a choice. Suicide happens because people reach a point where they feel completely trapped by their life, by their circumstances, by their feelings; suicide happens because people have held everything in too long and that pain has to go somewhere.
This is why surviving suicide makes you more likely to commit suicide, because suicide leads to such huge, complex and overwhelming emotions that we need to find a way to process. If we don’t, if we deny them and bury them and never work through them then we can find ourselves trapped in our feelings unable to see another way out, unable to stay strong by sheer force of will anymore. And then what do we do, do we end it, do we follow the ones we love out of the world.
People Love you, talk to them, tell them how you feel, don’t worry about understanding it all in the beginning (or perhaps ever) but talk. Open yourself up and bawl your eyes out in front of a few friends or your family. You aren’t perfect, you won’t be strong all the time but if you share your feeling with others you can make it through.
Feeling suicidal is fine, I have many times since my Dad killed himself fifteen years ago (when I was eleven) but take those feelings to the people that love you, Love is the difference between suicidal and suicide.
An excellent documentary on the subject aired recently on the BBC – Professor Green Suicide and Me http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b06mvx4j/professor-green-suicide-and-me
Some Scary statistics on suicide in the UK http://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/branches/branch-96/files/Suicide_statistics_report_2015.pdf